I’ve mentored several people that asked about moving from IC roles (like SDE or PM) to leadership roles (like SDM). When they do, I tell them this story:

“As a manager, you need to be comfortable answering the following question. I don’t need you to answer it; I just want you to talk about how comfortable you would be answering it. The question is:

“What do you do when someone comes into your office and tells you that their coworker smells?”

I ask them honestly, and let them respond. I prompt them to talk about their feelings, and their approach, rather than the answer itself.

Eventually I tell them: you need to be prepared for these kinds of problems, because once you accept responsibility for dealing with… well, basically any problem, you’re then going to have lots of problems to deal with. And I tell them that the “roommate smells” question is the easy, funny one; the hard one is when they tell you they’re being sexually harassed.

My advice, once you’re a manager? Talk to HR early on. Create a good relationship with them. It’s part of their job.

Next? Seek guidance, particularly if it’s your first time. Talk to your boss. Read your company’s harassment and discrimination policies, so you know what to do when they come into your office with that look on their face.

Lastly, and most importantly? Be supportive and honest with your people. Trust them when they say there’s a problem. When someone joins your team, tell them in your first one-on-one that you will listen to them and help them if they come with a complaint of sexual harassment, or racial bias, or anything similar. This is a HARD conversation, particularly with someone new to your team. You barely know them, they barely know you, and you’re telling them that if one of the worst possible work-related things happens to THEM, then they can come to you.

I’ve had that conversation enough times that I have a speech nearly memorized, but I always choke up a bit when I get into it, and I always feel uncomfortable. But it’s important, and it’s the right kind of uncomfortable.

I worried at first if this was the right thing to do, until one of my reports told me they appreciated not only that I’d done it, but that I did it in our first one-on-one. It showed them I trusted them, that I cared about these kinds of things, and that I wasn’t afraid to talk about the hard topics.

I felt even more validated when a second person, later in my career, did the same.

And finally, someone came to me, after they’d left my org and gone to another team, with this kind of a problem, because they trusted me more than their current leadership.

That’s when I knew, and that’s why I coach people to think about this story. Be brave in the face of your own discomfort, have the hard conversations, and be ready to deal with whatever happens.